I survived. In physical terms anyway. People helped along the way. My story isn’t one I can share completely but I do what I can.
I was cult abused for many years. It’s impossible for people to understand what this means when they haven’t lived it but also we run a high risk of furthering the false memory rhetoric when we apply DID and SRA to every bloke who commits a violent crime. I experienced a level of trauma that mamy people think only exists in horror movies. The silence I’m coerced inyo keepimg is deafening but slowly I am breaking that silence. People are quivk to want to know exactly what happened to us but once on show in the circus we’re disbelieved and mocked. A false sense of religion was part of my abuse, they took bits from most religions and twisted meanings to their own benefit, anything to instil further fear and beeak us down.
Truth is, all of their religious dogma was an excuse to cause more fear and pain. I’m not in the habit of giving excuses to violent men.
First time I was raped I was 8, I told and not one person helped. Not one adult looked passed their own needs and helped me, a child. I remember the pain and the clock ticking. I felt hopeless. The word NO didn’t mean a thing, he was doing what he was doing. I felt sick and dead.
I was told that I deserved it, that I asked for it, I should have screamed, it was my own fault. Every adult had something to say about how much I was to blame for his crime.
People assume children don’t speak but truth is, they do, adults don’t listen!
The world expects rape victims to be campaigners and responsible for preventing any man ever committing the crime again. Truth is, we aren’t puppets or performing monkeys, we have no responsibility to speak up.
This doesn’t scratch the surface of what happened and I’ll keep adding to this over time. The sun brings hope, at least for me. It keeps going no matter what it goes through