A dedication to proving me wrong, a vendetta against a child of blood
What’s the reason, what purpose can it serve?
Silence in the ranks, don’t slip up
Never spoken, never acknowledged
Without validation I continue to play your game of smarts, fear of reprisal means that I will never be free
I continue to be the incapable child you raised, my heart bleeding but not yet frozen, my anger growing and slowly firing up my capacity to walk away, maybe for good
I am blinded by a desire to be loved but this is not love
You silenced on lookers, I didn’t have a chance in hell of surviving
What purpose does it serve to knowingly place your baby in the same bed with an uncle with intention to abuse, you knew he would do it, he did it before, you knew and then blame me for the privilege
I wanted you in my life, I wanted you to know everything there was to know about me
The closest I came and you slapped me with the failure hard, making it clear that you didn’t want to know. Silence in the ranks
I don’t want to hurt you but you hurt me every day and still I’m alone and unwanted
A child of your bearing and you do not want me
I don’t look normal, I don’t act normal, endless comparisons and when was the last time you gave me a hug?
That’s all I ever wanted from you, no-one else, just you. Instead you broke me into as many pieces as you could manage.
You deny your fist to this day, you didn’t just aim it at me and I witness you use it with other small people of your disliking
You have no idea what you’ve done
Silence in the ranks
Why didn’t I tell you the whole truth, leaving my integrity questioned?
You may have asked me what had happened but I knew you and I knew better than to answer your threatening tone, I never trusted you, you didn’t care
Silence – I remember – in the ranks – and I won’t ever forget