I was already being hurt by most everyone I knew, I was already being accused of lying about being raped so when a man ‘chatted me up’ at the school gates in secondary school, although I knew it was wrong there was no-one I could tell. I had to figure it out but no-one had ever been that nice to me before so I was blindsighted. He took an interest in me and was really gentle, he would walk with me, listen to me, buy me gifts. I never dreamt anyone would be this nice to me. I didn’t even consider there was a catch. After a while, a few months maybe, he started making suggestions that I might owe him, he laughed about it so I didn’t think anything of it. His gentle voice changed and he was angry and possessive. No-one was interested in me least of all boys and I certainly wasn’t interested in them but he started accusing me of cheating on him and being a slut, I was shocked and desperate to understand what I’d done. He told me to make it up to him and I agreed, he was the only nice person I knew and I didn’t want to lose that. He took me to his mates house, coerced me to drink alcohol and told me to get undressed.
I won’t bore with the details of what they made me do but me say I g yes or no was irrelevant to these men. I was preteen they were much older. I was raped by them. Crying was pointless but I did anyway, I couldn’t tell anyone no-one listened. It became a regular thing I’d be passed around his mates and money was exchanged. He told me I was his bitch and he would strangle me with a dog leash if I crossed him.
I worked the curb, he taught me the ropes and I kept saying yes when asked. Did I mean it or was it survival? Does it matter? I couldn’t tell you. I wasn’t able to think. I wanted to die. I was put on a ferry and trafficked abroad, I can’t say how many times I was raped or how much money he got from the rapists but every curb, house, car, ferry, plane, country and brothel and John was the same.