The first time I came out as being lesbian was the hardest, I was terrified. With a family who were supportive of gay men and drag queens but not lesbians the odds were against me but I was adamant. My mother is the only approval I wanted but I was never going to get it.
I was about 18 and started dipping my toes in, telling people quietly so I could build up to telling my mother. She found out from others and was furious, I got complete ignorance and disgust from her. I relied on lesbian groups and spaces, although I was quiet and hardly spoke it was what I needed but those groups we’re taken over by drag queens and although everyone welcomed them, there was a resentment and they bullied us young uns with slurs and references to lesbian sex while laughing. None of us needed or appreciated being treated that way. If 2 young lesbians decided to sit alone and talk, they were harassed and humiliated by these men and it was all accepted as drag queen culture. They could never grasp how afraid and alone we actually felt.
I remember these groups meeting in libraries and cafes and pubs. I remember the lesbian night clubs being taken over with heterosexual women, although we appreciated the support, it was really difficult to talk to lesbians.
I wasn’t heavy into the lesbian or gay scene but I do remember the take over and how quickly they disappeared. Those lesbian bars were extremely intimidating for young uns and we were completely out of place. Far too clique. Online was the only way we could meet other lesbians but that was just as hostile and infiltrated by men of the ‘male lesbian’ variety.
All organisations under the alphabet soup umbrella are hostile toward lesbians and are very male orientated.
There is no where left to turn and the world is difficult to navigate. I was engaged and ignored when I shared the news. Approval will never come and sometimes it’s needed.
Lesbian doesn’t intersect with any other letter in the alphabet
It was common for gay men to be supported by communities but for lesbians to be ostracized and bullied. It was common for harassment to be passed off as drag queen culture.
At one point I was confident in the fact I’m a lesbian, something that never bothered me and I was prepared to fight for but despite this I was always aware of the risk associated with making loud statements. Gay men would publicly announce our sexuality ensuring we were dragged out of the closet. It was unsettling but viewed as a laugh and nothing more for our safety. The younger we were, the more at risk we were from there promoted harassment. We supported them fully and protected them but never returned the favour